I sit here thinking, for some unknown reason maybe in a moment of nostalgia, after putting my daughter to sleep about my own childhood. About all the crazy times with my best friends. The greatest game of tag and I’m talking at night, huge, uneven, guaranteed face-plant yards. With scattered trees that for sure you’d find on a dead sprint. The days of trampoline mosh pits. Those days off school with my mother. The moment when I first met my future, way out of my league, wife. The good times also were accompanied by some sorrow, and tears that seem could last forever. I’ve lost loved ones, some taken to soon. The emotional pain, physical pain, time that felt like my life was falling to pieces and all I could do was watch.
Now my kids childhood will be different then my own. They’re growing up in a different time and a different place. I grew up in a small town in Maine. They are growing up in California. I will be there for them no matter what. I’ll help them through the rocky rollercoaster of life.
All kids feel the stresses of the impending adulthood from an early age. Think about when your little one was throwing those temper tantrums when they were 2. My little girl use to get mad just about everytime we had to go get gas. I don’t know why but her little temper would flare up when we said we had to get gas. The high school drama they, and you, will experience because once wasn’t enough. They also have graduation, marriage, kids and who knows what else life will throw at them. Now, why writing a letter to your child is a great idea.
You can write it in a moment of peace.
No not just peace and quite, but peace from within. I know sounds weird, goofy, a little chickish but hear me out. You know that feeling when you listen to a really good song, your favorite song or playlist, and it just relaxes you? That’s the moment I’m talking about. Write a letter to them when you feel that.
They may not want to talk to you.
If it’s struggle your child is experiencing, you remember what that felt like. Loosing your first love, that first breakup molds your future relationships. If you are there for them it might just be that thing that makes the difference between horrible relationships the rest of there life or realizing just how great of a person they are. Maybe your not a good talker and this is a moment you’ve been through and without nagging them give them the letter. Maybe it was their best friend turned on them, or just the every day stress of school. Even though it’s only child stress and drama it’s the worst they have ever experienced. They don’t have the battle scars of life that you have. Just like when they were a toddler and you said no to a show, that breakdown in emotion is what they are feeling inside.
You might not be around.
This could be for many reasons. work from what I’ve seen is a huge one. Dad travels may be gone for an extended period of time then comes home. Military deployment is another big one I’ve see first hand how hard and straining that is for a family, imagine that stress plus everyday school life. Last reason you might not be around is life happens and not always the way we planned. I’d rather my kids know how I feel instead of wondering who I was and how I felt about them.
You can write drafts.
Unless you are really good at reading people, talking in real time to an emotional person is hard. Wrong things might be said, but if written you can get you point across uninterrupted.
Your writing to them without knowing the kind of person they will become.
You can write to them without ever knowing what their flaws or perfections are. You can write to them when they are babies. It gives it a more raw feeling. Leaving you open to tell them stories that you may not be able to talk about in words.
As dads it’s hard to show our emotions or feelings.
I’ve never been good with my emotions. I was raised in a time that showing them meant you are weak. As I’ve gotten older it’s been easier even more so since having kids. Writing about your feelings is easier then expressing them in person.
There is something about a fathers love.
Dads are an extremely important aspect of a child’s life. For the most part daughters marry their father and sons become their fathers. I really believe somethings that are said from a father will resonate better then said from a mother.
Let it become a family tradition.
This will be something they can to hang onto and cherish forever. Memories fade where words can be forgotten but the letters will be there to be read over and over even passed along. Starting a family tradition with this will give a great reading of your family heritage starting with you.
A few addition tips
- Tell them about your childhood.
- Write about how you and their mother met.
- We have all had struggles tell them about yours.
- Tell them about how they were when they was little.
- The most important, how much they mean to you.
- Write multiple ones and save them for different circumstances. Just make sure you add a post-it to the outside of the envelope so you don’t re-read it and get to embarrassed to give it to them.
- Where ever you keep them write an additional one that will always stay with them explaining what they are and why.
- Honestly try start this as a family tradition I promise you won’t regret it.
Now with all that said being their mentor in life is the most important thing you can do. Teach them that it doesn’t matter what others think and to love themselves and not crumble to peer pressure.
