As a father of 3, I have some experience with being a dad. I remember the first day of entering fatherhood when I brought Aaliyah home. Seeing how small she was in her already small car seat. I remember how fragile she felt in my inexperinced arms. Being so scared doing anything with her.
With Dominic my middle child I felt a little better and didn’t feel as clumsy when doing things like changing diapers and feeding. With two though it brought a whole new struggle with how to balance my time between the two.
Finally, with Jasmine my youngest it took about a week or so. Just enough time to get to know her and her cues on what she needed and to feel really comfortable with doing everything.
So with my experience, both things I did well and ones I sucked at, here are the top 10 tips for new dads.
Skin To Skin Bonding
If you are new to this take off your shirt and lay the baby, who is wearing just a diaper, on your chest. It’s a great way to bond with your newborn. Something about feeling your own child that close to you to grow that connection with them that will last forever.
I have done this with all my children and I have felt that connection grow. Just know this, if you have chest hair like myself you could be missing patches the size of tiny little hands by the end of it. All worth it though.
Serve Your Spouse
Coming from a man who’s been married for 16 years, she might not ask for it but will for sure appreciate you doing everything you can to make her recovery as easy and stress-free as possible.
Do the simple things if that’s all you can. For instance, I always fill her water bottle, get her something to eat, take care of as much of the housework as I can, and make sure I care for the other kids. That way she can focus on recovering and focusing on the baby. One more thing, because she might not put herself first make sure you make her get out of the house. Set her up an appointment to go to a spa, or get her nails done. At the very least take the baby so she can have a nice bath or shower.
Daughters Marry Their Fathers
Daughters marry their fathers, so treat them as you want them to be treated. A friend of mine told me this when we were expecting our first. He also told me “Don’t threaten her boyfriends, just being the best man in their life will set the bar high.” That way you know only a truly honest gentleman will be able to have her heart. I do my best to remind myself of this every day.
Learn To Do Everything
I’m talking about diapers, dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and bathing the kids. Not just because you should, but because you never know when you won’t have a choice but to do it all.
I had a wonderful experience when Theresa got a new position at work that required her to travel. 2-4 times a year she would have to go to the corporate HQ or trade shows lasting up to a week while I stayed home with the 2 kids (before Jasmine was born).
The first time was about 5 months after my son was born and my in-laws stayed with us so I could still go to work. On one of her trips I did it by myself and luckily I had my meals/feedings, changing, bath time planned and charted…. Ok if I’m going to be honest Theresa wrote it on a chalkboard liner that she stuck to the wall but I did the work.
However, just because you have a list and times doesn’t mean it’s smooth sailing. When your baby is used to falling asleep with a boob you’ll find it a challenge to get him or her down without it.
You will eventually find your grove. Not only will you feel proud but you will feel more confidence as a dad. I think that is what is really important and something as dads a lot of us don’t get enough of in the beginning. Our wives tend to do a majority of that due to needing to figure out feeding times and when she has that figured out everything else falls into place.
Be Prepared For The Uneducated.
You will have people ask questions or make statements that will leave you befuddled. You will hear people say “Wow you’re babysitting today.” Most people don’t mean anything insulting by it they just don’t understand dads don’t babysit their own kids, it’s called being a dad. I think this is the most talked-about one lately.
Another uneducated ignorance I’ve heard people say is stuff like “You’re not having more kids are you?” Or “You have a boy and girl so your done right, I mean that the perfect family!” Funny ones like “ What a handsome boy.” Ma’am that’s my daughter… dressed all in pink.
Prepare For Tomorrow Tonight.
This was the difference between stressing in the morning and starting the day off with feeling accomplished. You will thank yourself in the morning.
I would get as much of the school lunches ready, the bottles for the baby, my lunch, the wife’s lunch, coffee, and breakfast. I did all this so my wife could get the kids up and ready. It’s all about the teamwork with your spouse. Just as long as you are pulling your weight.
Start A Side Hustle.
Working for someone else and making them rich off your hard work isn’t something you need to be doing. Having kids does take free time away from what use to be. But it also teaches you a great deal about time management and discipline. There is a old saying that the best time to plant a seed was ten years ago the other best time is now. I believe in that wholeheartedly. So find your passion and figure out a way for you to monetize it. Also, think of multiple ways or avenues to do so. Whither it be YouTube, a website, selling your own goods or services. Whatever it is start ASAP and enjoy the process becuase it’s a long journey. For more ideas check out my post on 10 Money Making Side Projects For Dads and yes moms could do them too!
Read To Them Every Night
This is very important and also more difficult the more you have and the older they get. With my firstborn Aaliyah, my wife and I read to her every night. With Dominic, it was much harder to read to him. I spent so much time taking care of Aaliyah while my wife breastfeed him and even now Aaliyah is extremely close with me. Now with Jasmine, I’ve only gotten to read to her a few times, she is only 3 months old but still. Now why is it important, well other than it being a good bonding experience? It is great for their development.
Your Wife Will Be Unbelievably Protective
Do not take anything she say to personal, unless she’s just being a pain in the ass.
Just realize her motherly instincts are to protect with her life. Look at how mother bears and lions are. They’re unbelievably protective and will fight males much larger them themselves just to protect them. As a father you are going to pe protective as well I just see it stronger in women. As I’d expect I mean she did carry for 10 months, gave birth, and experienced a rollercoaster of hormones.
So pick your battles. There will be battles some small some big. There are somethings worth fighting for and others you can just forget and follow along. Small arguments like how to fold clothes, how you burp the baby, or just about anything you do. I find being polite but honest is the way to go.
Follow Your Instincts
A lot of what will make you a great father is listening to your instincts. Your instincts will grow quickly as a new dad. You will hear your baby cry and just know to go look in on her. The longer you spend with your baby and get to know one another the better your instincts will be there to guide you through your journey of fatherhood.
So that is my top ten tips for new dads. I’d lover to hear what your thoughts are and any additional tips you have for new dads.
