When you are expecting baby number two or even number three you might worry about “How can I love someone as I love my first born”. You’ll feel like, “How can I love another child when I feel like I gave all my love to this child.”
I remember having that feeling. I was afraid one of my children wouldn’t get enough of my love. I only had my daughter to hold, to feed, and to play with. She only had to share me with my wife, but to her that was even better she had us both to herself. Now I feel like I have to split my time. So now each child doesn’t get as much of me and my poor son has never had the feeling of a time that the world revolves around him other then being home with my wife. Now we are having another child. So how is that going to feel for the kids all over again?
The secret I learned going through it the first time is it’s biological. In most cases it “Just happens”. It’s nature, your testosterone drops you feel more emotions and you love deeper.
Besides that though, I’ve put together some things that might help you deal with the unknown and how it will be different.
You love them differently
You will learn that you do love your children differently. As a father, The love you have for your daughter is different then your son. Your daughter is and will always be your little girl. You’ll want to protect her from the pains of the world and the heartache of lost love. As for your son, you’ll want to protect him too but in a different way. You’ll want to prepare and teach him to be a great man and to protect those he loves. Sadly, you can’t shield them from all the pain the world will throw at them. You can only prepare them and be there to hold them when they need a shoulder to cry on wither they are 1 or 41.
Your first born is special.
Yes I know all your kids are special but let me explain. When your first baby was born, you didn’t have a clue to what you were doing. You never changed a diaper, bathed a baby, fed or burped a baby, or ever dressed a little squirming fragile ball of baby fat. Just like you and every other dad I to was stupid when it came to babies, other then what I learned online I knew nothing. I held maybe two babies when I was growing up and both times I sat on a couch and didn’t walk around so was just seat for them.
When my daughter was born her and I experienced so many firsts together. As I was learning to be a dad she was learning the world. It makes you have a bond together that sadly you wont get to experience with your others kids. It may be a refresher but you know it. So your first born is special in that they introduced you to the new, very big, and extremely fulfilling chapter of your life.
Plus, you have a more important role in taking care of your first as your wife is busy with the newborn. Because you are doing much more of the caring for the older child your bond with them will get stronger.
Having the opposite gender
If you are having the opposite gender then your first child you will experience first with them too, just different ones. Like for me when I was experiencing having a son for the first time, I got to experience his first interest in American Football. He loves plopping down next to me to watch the game, for a little while anyways. Which is so cool how he is naturally drawn to balls and cars and my daughter knew how to wear a necklace without ever seeing or being shown how to wear one.
Also with the opposite you are experience what makes each gender different at a core and primal level. Just how boys and girls are naturally different. Like how my son is tall, thick, and strong, but also a huge momma’s boy. My daughter tall, slim, extremely intelligent, and daddy’s little girl. Knowing that the same two people can make two completely different individuals. It really is what makes parenting fun.
Having the same gender
Now what happens when you have a third child or your second child is the same gender. You can’t relay on gender to give you a difference. Plus there will be less of you to fill each child’s emotion bucket. By emotion bucket I’m bastardizing something I learned in an online parenting class stating that each child needs one on one time with each parent every day to get there emotional needs met. If you would like to know which class I took just let me know. I can’t say what will happen as my daughter isn’t here yet.
What I can tell you is that I am positive that you will find more love to give. With every child that comes you’re not taking love from the first to give to the second, t’s more like your love grows. Just like you don’t have a favorite kid you just have favorite things to do with each child. For me it’s legos with my daughter, over time that will change. As they grow my son will probably love building instead of destroying and my daughter may no longer enjoy doing it with me. With my son it’s playing ball. All I do is roll it to him and he kicks it back to me or chucks it at my head, thank god for dad reflexes. I’m sure with another daughter I will have that thing that bonds us just as close as I am with her siblings now.
So in short, don’t worry about how you can love your expecting baby, and don’t worry about your first being less loved. It’ll all work itself out. You will be surprised how much love you will have to pass around.
