After your first thought of “What the holy Sam hell are they doing letting me take this new fragile human home with me.” And the thoughts of “They don’t know me, I didn’t take a written exam, verbal exam, mental exam, or any other test to see if I am even fit to be a parent. Hell to drive this kid home I’m required to have a license and I had to take a written and drivers test for that.”
Then the fun begins. The new experiences you have as a father that you didn’t know you’d have. For instance the drive home
The Ride Home Is Terrifying
The drive home it will be the most nerve racking, white knuckled ride home you have ever had. F#ck 6 flags crazy rides, become a father and drive your newborn baby home for the first time. You will feel that every jerk is out on the road that particular day. Everyone will either be following to close, stopping to quick, or stop perfectly behind you. But you feel that the stopped to close even though they’re like 20 ft behind you. Oh, and if you live here in Southern California like I do, NOT A BLINKER IN SIGHT!
It’s normal though, you are acting exactly how you should as a new father. You’re feeling everything a new dad should feel, over protective, on high alert, and totally scared.
I remember feeling terrified about braking to fast or accelerating to quick. Why you ask? Well, it’s because I was told that babies can’t prop their own heads up so I figure any fast acceleration or breaking would hurt my daughter. So, I pulled out from the hospital VERY SLOOOWLY and refused to take off quickly from any light. Also, I would start breaking about a bock ahead so I was creeping along by the time I made my turn. All to the dismay of the long line of traffic behind me mind you. Oh, I know for a fact people were pissed with me. By all the single finger salutes this new father collected on his first day out and I wear them like a badge of honor.
Basically you drive like you just hit a police check point and you’ve been drinking all night.
The First Week Is Scary
Why, well other then being tired to the point of hallucinations you’re also terrified you will make a mistake that will hurt the baby in some way. Things that ran through my mind was over heating the bottle and not knowing it, dropping them, rolling on them if I fell asleep, something happening to them in their sleep.
Most of the time you wont even know if you made a mistake, well not until they are talking to their therapist about it later in life. All kidding aside babies are fragile but not as much as you think. Support their head, don’t drop them on it, and trust your gut and usually you’ll be good.
In The Beginning Everything Takes Forever To Do.
Changing diapers is the most common one that I remember that felt like it took forever to do. Changing a babies clothes was another with so many squishy appendages, a head that is soft and fragile, it was a huge task to just change a normal diaper. WIth a blow out it was like mission impossible. Huge tip on blow outs and something that took me a while to learn, a onesie is designed to also be take down the legs not just over the head. The shoulder areas have those fold overs that allow it to be taken down the body and in a blowout situation going down is easier to clean then up then up the back and back of the head.
You Hold The Baby Like You’re Going To Break Them
Holding your baby for the first time you’re likely to loose all feeling in one arm because your afraid of moving it when they are laying on it. Then you’ll look over at some mother with multiple kids and she is all but juggling her baby. Doing 10 other things at the same time and your standing their in aww as you feel like your shoulder is about to blow out. Just like everything else, in time you will realize how much support is really needed. How you can move them and all the different ways you can hold them without hurting them.
No One Knew What They Were Doing
You’ll have those people that act like they had it all together from the very beginning and I call shenanigans, BS, bull caca, how ever you want to say it. None of use knew what we were doing. To add to it every baby is different. What worked for them may not work for you. With that said try just about anything, new aged, to accomplish what you’re trying to it might just be that one thing that works for your baby.
Ignore Old Wives Tales
You’ll get all sorts of advice from your parents, grandparents, parents with kids who are much older now, random strangers that feel the need to tell you how to do things and what worked for them. The cream of the crop though is the people who have never had kids.
Those dummy’s are my favorite. I have been a father for 7+ years and I get advice from non-parents on how I should discipline my kids, and think that all kids should behave perfectly at all times and if they don’t it’s a reflection of the parents.
Their advice, sometimes appreciated, may be the old ways and unsafe or just stupid. Make sure you research stuff before just going ahead and trying it.
A few of my favorite pieces of bad advice are:
1. A cloth soaked in rubbing alcohol & water to help bring down a fever. False, it is actually harmful. As it evaporates it quickly drops the temp to fast and can cause shivering which will make the the temperature go up and make things worse.
2. A warm bath will also help bring a fever down. False, like number 1 it can make it worse. When they get out of the bath they get cold and start shivering which will make their temperature rise..
3. Babies should Sleep on their tummy. Duh, I think everyone who is a new parent knows this one can kill your baby. It increases the chance of SIDS Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Yet you will get those that will say “well it worked when you was a baby”.
4. Baby walkers help the baby learn to walk. Not true. Just the opposite actually they can actually impede the development of walking.
5. Just give the baby formula it’s just as good as breastmilk. False, though the formula now a days are good NOTHING is better then breast milk. It’s actually and amazing thing that mothers bodies do. Breast milk carries antibacterial and antimicrobial properties helping the baby fight off viruses and infections.
All of these and more were from parents I knew. So to sound just like them I’m going to give you advice… But this is true. Trust in yourself. You got this.
Freaking Out If You Should Call The Dr. Because Of A Fever.
Hell, we still go through this. Of course as a new parent you will will be lost in what to do. What is a fever in a in a baby? How do you know why they have a fever? Are they sick? Is it mild because of teething? They just had their shots today is that why they have a fever? How do combat a fever? Do you? Can they have medicine? What home remedies are safe and what is old wives tales?
That’s if it’s just a fever. There are other things you have to be aware about like seizures from the temp spiking or dropping to fast, called Fibril seizures. My oldest daughter had those when she was born. As a new parent seeing that was the scariest thing I have ever seen.
Just recently my youngest got sick for the first time at 2 years old. We don’t know how she got sick but she had a high fever, wouldn’t drink or eat anything, and threw up… In our bed…. At 4am… I’ll tell you something, you can’t just go back to sleep with that smell lingering around. Even after a shower I could smell it on myself all day at work.
Finding Your Moves For The Baby That Works
I still have to do this with my kids. As they are learning the world you are learning them. You’re trying everything you read. For instance, when rocking them to sleep you have to try the traditional sway side to side, side to side as you are twirling is circles, side to side with a twist of just the hips, walking back and forth, bouncing lightly on your toes. There are tons of way to do just one thing and its up to you to find what works. Oh and the kicker, what works for your wife might not, most likely won’t, work for you. You will have to find whatever it is that works with you and your baby. Also what works now might not work in a few months.
Emotions & Not Hers
You will have a surge of emotions. Even the rock hard toughest SOB will have this weird increase in emotions. It’s normal don’t worry you’re not loosing it. You’ll get an influx of estrogen, oxytocin, prolactin and glucocorticoids that causes you to be less aggressive. It’s some left over cave man animalistic thing to keep you from eating the baby or something. The result the is you become more emotional. Some of us have it worse then others. Me, I get teary eyed during Disney movies now…
Diaper Changing Struggles
For every new baby I have had, I’ve had to relearn how to change a newborns diaper. The latest was probably the easiest because I had finally got comfortable with how small and durable babies are.
For the first two though it was hard because of just how small the baby is, how small the diapers are and cleaning out their little fat rolls when they are just squirmy as can be. Add to all of that you also got the poop factor to wrestle with. The smell is vile and gets worse as they get older. I’ve gagged so many times but have yet to throw up, I’ve come close a few times though. You best practice is to learn to hold your breath as long as possible or get a good cheap gas mask. I got mine at Harbor Freight to do sanding and painting but it works wonders when changing a stinky diaper.
First time experiences are what will bond you so closely with your baby. Starting from day one there is a connection that will last forever. As you are teaching them the world they are teaching you how to be a parent. Will there be stumbles along the way? Of course. Is it all worth it? You bet. Enjoy this time because it only happens once.
If you liked this check out my post on ”Top 10 Tips For New Dads”.
